R.I.P Danny.

I went to my first funeral today. It was a wrestler at my school who got into a bad car accident on his way there in the morning on February 22, 2012. I didn’t know him well. I met him a couple times when me and my girlfriend first started dating because he was dating her best friend. He seemed like a nice guy from first impression, and I now know from the many people that have expressed their friendships and feelings for him after his death that he was a truely amazing person who had a huge impact on many people’s lives.

Despite not knowing him, he still managed to have me think about a lot today, and it seems help me, even. Although I wasn’t fond of the overly-religious Catholic funeral/viewing (“let his death now make you think of how you will spend eternity” from one of the people who spoke, who I assumed was a pastor, or preacher of some sort) it was moving to see 2 of his friends and his brother speak. His older brother was so put together, so calm considering the loss, and when I saw his mother for a brief moment before we entered the room, it seemed like she was comforting other people. Putting her hands on their face and smiling at them. It just shows he comes from a great family that raised him, and I didn’t have to know him to realize that.

Also, it was the first time I saw anyone dead aside from my dog last year. I don’t deal with death well. It’s my greatest fear, without doubt, dying. So, when I decided to go up to the casket with my girlfriend to support her, even though I was nervous as hell and was hoping she would be convinced not to by her friend, I still went even after she told me not to and practically pushed me back into my seat. I’m sick of being a selfish person, and now that I’m 18 I guess I’m trying to act like more of an adult, or at least more mature and rational (we’ll see how that goes). But anyway, I was looking at the people in front of him and they were doing the “cross over their body” thing, if you know what I’m talking about. And when I was watching them, when one walked forward I caught a glimpse of him and I wasn’t prepared for that. So, I was a little shaken.

When we actually got up there though, my girlfriend and her sister were in front of me, and at first it seemed okay considering the circumstance. But then there was just this feeling that washed over me.

You know when you interact with a person, you feel something from them. Even if they’re sleeping, or not saying anything. You still sense their prescense, I guess. But when I looked at him, there was absolutely nothing, and that feeling really, really messed with me. I blocked out some part of the memory of is face (which is now coming back to me as I write this), but the thing that was engraved into my mind would be that feeling of just absolute nothingness, and then the smell that was eluding from the body. Just two things that I don’t think I’ll be able to forget. But also, I won’t be able to forget him and the impact he had on those around him which was so apparent and obvious after his death. He will truely live on through the hearts and memories of those around him. I hope that he’s somewhere and is happy, because from the small things I do know and the minimal encounters I did have, he was a person who would deserve it.

Also, I have this thing where I get haircuts when something big happens in my life, or when some event happens, I don’t know, I’m weird -.-. But I’ve been debating to get my hair cut or not and after this there was no question about it. So, I got this haircut not only as my start into adulthood, but for Danny. I know it seems like a joke, but it’s completely serious. Haircuts are therapeutic for me, like I said, I’m weird -___-.

Anyway, that was my general day, yeah.

Happy Monday! (Kidding, Monday sucks),

—Kaden

2 months ago  /  1 note